how this works
We did the homework.
Most astrology apps pull a card or hash your birthday into a "lucky number." That's a random number generator in a witch hat, and we don't do that to people we like.
Every reading here comes from where everything in the sky actually is right now, plus what today's date works out to in a few very old systems. Same sky wherever you are, and nobody consulted their feelings.
What we check, because someone has to
- ·Where each planet is, and who's retrograde or squaring whom, from VSOP87 ephemerides (proper maths)
- ·The moon's phase and lunar mansion, plus every void-of-course window she drifts through
- ·Eclipses within 14 days either side of today
- ·Cazimi and combust planets, which is astrology for standing way too close to the sun
- ·Planetary hours, from real sunrise and sunset where you are
- ·The sun's side of things: geomagnetic Kp index and X-ray flares, live from NOAA SWPC
- ·Kabbalah day correspondence (the Tree of Life)
- ·The numerology of the date, yes, really
- ·Mayan Tzolkin day sign and galactic tone
- ·Chinese Bazi day pillar (heavenly stem plus earthly branch)
The receipts
The fuckery score runs from 0 to 15 and adds up the groups below. These are the real weights, rendered straight from the scoring table in the code, so when we recalibrate this page updates itself and the goalposts can't move quietly. The bands:
sky (capped at 6)
- Mercury retrograde
- +1.5
- Venus / Mars retrograde
- +1 each
- Moon void of course
- +1
- Eclipse window
- up to +1.2, scaled by proximity
- Full moon
- +0.5
- Supermoon at full
- +0.6
- Close trine (relief)
- -0.4
solar
- Geomagnetic storm
- +1.5
- X-class flare
- +1.5
- CME impacting
- +1.2
- Storm streak (3+ days)
- +1
earth (capped at 4.5)
- M7+ quake near you
- +2.2
- M8+ quake anywhere
- +1.6
- Cat 5 cyclone
- +1.2
- Big pressure drop (migraine weather)
- +0.8
- Thunder overhead
- +0.4
esoteric (capped at 1)
- Counts only when
- 3+ systems agree on an "endings" theme
real-world floors (minimums, never additions)
- M8.5+ or big tsunami quake
- floor 9 (catastrophic)
- M7.5+ global or M6.5+ near you
- floor 5 (yes)
- CME, X-flare, storm streak, Cat 5
- floor 3 (kinda)
The sky, earth and esoteric layers are all capped, so none of them can run off with the verdict alone. We've also tested the whole thing against days like 11 September 2001 and the Brexit referendum, plus some deliberately boring control days that had better stay calm.
Who's doing the talking
The headline isn't improvised. It's picked from a bank of pre-written lines, matched to what the sky and the score are actually doing. Claude Haiku only writes the one-liner underneath and the paragraph on the state of the planet, working from the real numbers and a tight brief: refined witch with a mouth, Australian English, zero wellness-influencer nonsense. It never invents data. It only translates what's actually in the sky.
Your business is your business
Your birth date and time never leave your browser. If you add a birth place, the name you type gets sent to Open-Meteo's free map lookup to find the coordinates, and that's the only thing that travels. We don't store any of it on a server. There's no account and no signup, and the newsletter you're bracing for will never exist.
Why any of this exists
Justine got tired of her friends ringing every time the world felt sideways, asking whether it was a full moon. Usually the moon was innocent. Mercury was retrograde and Mars was square Pluto, so she built a website that says so. Every day.
